"Its about a girl who was born with a condition... A condition in which she never asked for, but was born with it regardless.
It effected this girl since the day she were born. She began to show behavior that was considered "odd" and "unusual" as she became a young child. However, it wasn't her fault, for her way of thinking was how they felt to do such things. When she began preschool, things became harder. She struggled to learn. She struggled to make friends. Other kids made fun of her, threw crayons at her, never let her play with them, their toys or their games and avoided her like a plague. This was only her first shaky step into a life she never asked for, but the path was one she couldn't avoid, regardless.
Preschool came and went. Kindergarten was not any different. In fact, that's when she first began to experience not just being called names and what not... But also pain. Emotional and physical pain. Insults cut her heart like a knife, while the physical pain made her cry and flinch. Going to Kindergarten was a chore, since she knew she wasn't welcomed. But there was nothing that she could do about it. Sure, the teacher often came to her defense, scolding the children for the mistreatment. But what good did it truly do?
She went from Kindergarten to Elementary School. Due her inability to learn like a normal child, she was placed in something called, "Special Ed", and was dubbed with a learning disorder, as well as impaired speech. This landed the child into something simply called "Speech", where she would visit a specialist on helping those with speech problems in the school every day. The lady who was in charge was often nice and sweet, making the child feel safe. And thanks to that, she began to speak better. But still struggled with certain words. And she even began to make friends, although she still struggled with such a thing. However, the other kids were much like her, impaired with some kind of condition. She began to feel accepted among the other children. However... once her own unusual condition began to show itself, things once again changed.
She was once again an outcast, even making other Special Ed children feel unnerved by her "unnatural" behavior and habits. She once again became a loner against her will. But none of the other children even wanted to go near her. And even if some did go near her, all they did was insult her. Hurt her. Make her feel worthless. However... She had a brother, one who defended her each time she was picked on. He made her feel safe. Happy. Relieved. Eventually, kids began to avoid her completely, purely out of fear of her brother's wrath.
Second grade was a point in which her life slowly began to develop into one of relief. She was in a different class, with different children. There... She finally made friends. Kids who didn't mind hanging out. She had many friends, and she enjoyed having friends for the first time. For the first time, she was truly happy. Her friendships lasted her until she was in the fourth grade. Second and third grade were thankfully more bearable now she had friends and a protector who fought anyone who dared lay a hand on her. The next grades were some of the best ones of her life. She had friends, other "outcasts" like herself. She had a brother whom protected her. However, once she entered the sixth grade, her solo protector moved to Junior High School. However, at this point, other students luckily didn't pick on her too much.
When it was her turn to enter Junior High School, she lost her friends. As they were going to schools she was not going. As she entered the seventh grade, she felt scared. And to make matters worse, her brother was not in this school either. For the first time, she felt truly alone. Even in her Special Ed class, she felt alone. Her teacher was nice enough, but even she didn't fill the void she felt in her heart. For weeks, she was alone. She didn't have any friends. No one to turn to. Not even the teachers brought her any comfort. She didn't know what to do. She began to accept the fact she would probably be all alone for the year.
Until... it happened.
As the students were let out of their classes for a break, she began to walk to her usual spot to be alone. As she walked, she passed two girls whom she had seen always together. Friends. Something she never had. She walked pass them, only for one of them to call out.
She turned, looking at the girl who called out to her.
"We've noticed you're always by yourself, and we feel bad for seeing you look so unhappy. You want to hang out with us?"
She felt her heart skip a beat. And without even wasting a second, she came over to the two girls. They introduced themselves as Michelle and Katie. From there, a friendship between the three formed. She began to hang out with them regularly. Eventually, a fourth girl named Megan was accepted in the circle. And from there, the group grew. It went from four to seven, where she was among them. They hung out throughout the seventh and eighth grade. More years that were some of her better years, added to her life. And while she was still bullied and picked on, it was the two years that it happened the least amount of times.
However, as usual, as she would be entering the ninth grade, she lost contact with her circle of friends. She was also sent to a High School which was known for having some of the more aggressive students. Again, she was alone. She did manage to find another group to be with, however... Unlike her first circle of friends in Junior High School, this circle... barely acknowledged her. Yet they let her hang out. Yet she never spoke unless spoken to. Otherwise, it was more or less like she never existed with the group. She eventually left the group, feeling too much like an outcast to "fit" in. This school wasn't merciful, either. On a regular basis, she was once again bullied, beaten and teased. However, she did manage to befriend a girl named Debbie. She seemed nice at first, however... She began to show her true colors. She was one who admitted to having scratched two kids across the face once... and LOVED it. She made the young outcast feel unnerved, but not wanting to loose her only "friend", she stuck by and did whatever she could to not provoke this girl.
Things only worsen when Debbie obtained a boyfriend. The boy, named Michael, was very nice, and they got along greatly, forming a good friendship. However... Debbie often felt jealous. She always accused the young girl of attempting to steal Michael away, despite telling her she only liked him as a friend and enjoyed his company. Her words always seemed to reach deaf ears, since each time she attempted to hang out with Michael, Debbie gave her glares that sent a chill down her spine. Eventually, they even got into a fight due to this. After that, Michael decided it was best they went their separate ways as he was sick of Debbie's jealousy and that he didn't want her to hurt the young girl. From there, she never spoke or saw Debbie and Michael ever again. Her behavior only worsen, to where she downright refused to open up to anyone else. She flinched when someone touched her. She avoided eye contact. She just shut down, refusing any help.
However, a concerned teacher decided something had to be done. Mr. Roswell. She remembered him well, the only teacher she knew who ever gave a damn about her. He often let her do whatever she wanted in his class, letting her go on the computer and what not when she had nothing to do. Mr. Roswell eventually contacted someone who called the girl and her mother in. The girl was subjected to some tests. Since she was basically showing strong signs at this point, for the first time... she was properly diagnosed. She learned there... she had a condition called Asperger Syndrome.
Asperger Syndrome... A condition in which effects the person's brain, impairing certain parts and even slowed down growth in some areas. The condition made itself known and heard, and the girl just simply accepted it, now knowing why she was "different". It did not help at all. Sure, she was now fully aware of her condition, but there was little she could do about it. She only grew more distant, more shy, more depressed. She began to even fake her own emotions, her thoughts. Try to convince others she was okay, that nothing was wrong. All she felt was hurt. Sorrow. It eventually began to eat her from the inside, like a hungry beast. For the first time since they had parted ways... She encountered her. Debbie. While she tried to be friendly and greet her, Debbie was just as bitter as ever. As it turned out, Michael had left her due to him feeling uneasy around her without the girl around. Debbie began to accuse and blame the young autistic girl for Michael's breakup with her and then... They fought, yet again.
Luckily, Debbie was suspended, as the young autistic girl only fought back against Debbie out of self defense. However... Her bottled emotions got the best of her. She had enough. During Break, she found a rose bush. She broke off a big thorn off one of the roses, studying it. It was sharp and thick. Without a second thought, she brought her wrist up, and aimed the thorn at it. She should end her pathetic existence. No one liked her. No one would miss her. No one would even notice her. The tip of the thorn touched her skin, all she had to do was push and it would stab into her wrist, thus ending her own life.
Something inside her to stop. To not give up. She had to endure just a little more... In the the end, she dropped the thorn and stood there, not even sure what she was doing. However... In the end, she just barely avoided attempting to commit suicide. With a sigh, she left the rose bush, pushing the event out of her mind. She never uttered her attempted suicide to anyone, keeping it a secret. Ninth grade came and went, with it being the worse year of her entire life. However, some good did come out of it. She began to turn to the Internet as an escape from her real life. Through that, she met someone. Another girl, a few years younger but she was nice. From there, a friendship blossomed between the two. A friendship whom she didn't know would last for years to come... The girl's mother decided to send her to a better High School when she entered the tenth grade. The school was luckily a lot more bearable, but she still found those people who would try to beat her down and make her feel worthless. At this point, the girl learned to hide her autistic side, able to mimic being a "normal" person. However, it always seemed people knew when someone was different and always went for the attack at any given chance. Luckily, she was able to turn to her online friend for help and comfort.
Her luck got better this time around and she made friends with a group of other tenth graders. She became happy once more, as they never judged her and accepted her happily. The bullying became less as well, since the group contained four others, usually making other people feel too nervous to try anything. The group reminded her of her first circle of friends back in Junior High School and once more, felt happier and more relaxed. As the year came and went, she looked forward to going back to her friends when she entered the eleventh grade. However.. the circle disbanded after a few weeks due to other students taking over their hangout spot. Since then, they only saw each other now and again and gave simple greetings. She tried in vain to get the group back, but they moved on. She never did. However, thanks to her online friend, she managed to get through.
Similar to the ninth grade, she was back to being all alone. She could not find anyone to befriend. Her fellow Special Ed students were just unpleasant, and other students looked at her funny. And thus, her last two years of High School were lonesome. Her senior year was thankfully the easiest one of her life. Who would mess with a twelve grader, after all? Luckily, other senior students didn't acknowledge her much. Some did only to insult her. Nothing new there. High School ended fast, and from there, she moved on. From there, she devoted her life to the computer. She found real life pointless. All it had ever done was hurt her. However, on the Internet, she felt safe and happy. Where she could be herself without being judged. Sure, online trolls some times got to her but she basically stood up to them. Something she never did with real life trolls/bullies.
Years have gone by. She still struggles time to time, but since then, has found happiness in her life. Although to some, it seems like she was wasting her life, but... she had spent almost all of it suffering. On the Internet... She felt happy, safe... And not an outcast. She kept her contact with her online friend (Whom was eventually called "Whing", but now goes by "Moon"). Her friendship with Moon has to be the one thing she treasures the most. Because thanks to Moon, she finally had someone to call "friend". Someone to talk to. To share her feelings, fears and problems with. Someone whom she herself could help if she was upset or needed a friend. She began to get involved on a site called DeviantART, a place that became a massive part of her life. She began to submit artwork, and from there, gained more and more friends over the years.
Currently, she some times struggles with her inner demons from her past, but she tries to focus on the future. A future she feels uncertain about. However... She believes as long as she has her friends and family, she can take on anything the future can throw at her. However... Her past events are certainly ones that left their marks on her, and she isn't sure if she can ever recover from them. She never inflicted the pain she endured on others. No, she swore to herself to never become the people who harmed her. Despite her rough upbringings, the girl has devoted herself into being a nice, compassionate and overall social girl. Although her autism often gets in the way in real life, on the Internet... She can finally be herself and not be judged for it. She had finally found something she had desired from day one: Acceptance."
This is based on a true story. The girl being me. Someone who has endured many hardships through her life and yet, rather than becoming a typical bully, I decided to go against it. I have my demons, sure, but I never, ever want to inflict the same suffering I endured for eighteen years on another. It would only make them suffer as I did, and only make me into the very thing I despise. People, don't pick on someone just because they're different. Give them a chance. Even give your bullies a chance. I never did anything of the sort due to being timid and just not wanting to provoke anyone. I regret doing this instead of attempting to befriend my enemies. But being a bully victim, I can safely say there's hope. There always is hope. You just need to be brave and find it. Don't wait for it to come to you, you go to it. I regret never doing it myself, but I was broken and depressed so I never even bothered to attempt it. But please people, don't ever give up. One day, you'll find those people who will love and accept you, no matter what. Hang on, endure and find them. They're out there, you just have to look... Help someone if they seem lonesome, help a bully if you think you can. Put a stop to bullying, do you want someone to suffer as I have? Or like other bully victims?
It hurts both sides. It takes one person to stand up and put an end to it. Let that one person be you. Make a difference, you may just create a miracle in someone's life. And find someone whom you'll have a bond that is both unbreakable and worth keeping. Help and make a difference in our generation! Show people that you will not submit to a bully and let them cause you suffering! Help or try to befriend them instead, and stand up to them if you see them causing someone pain and suffering. Don't walk away!
Listening to: Movies
Reading: Messages on here and Skype
Playing: Alpha Sapphire