The Bitterest of Memories

"Bitter cold wind blew. The sky was growing dark with clouds. No doubt it would rain. People looked up at the sky when they heard faint sounds of thunder. The clouds were dark, like black smoke. It made the blue sky hard to see, and the sun vanishing, taking away its golden light.

"So much for a sunny day. Especially when its supposed to be the Super Bowl!" A nearby man groaned. A sunny Sunday. Ha! Right. Damn weather man was wrong... again.

One person paid all of this no heed. No, her mind was else where, not even acknowledging the fact the weather was becoming gloomy. The young girl walked along silently, her eyes lowered to the ground as she moved along. She was glad it wasn't a school day. She did not need her friends to see her like this. Nor did she want them to. Even if she did let it happen... They could do nothing to help her. No one really could, really.

Even the strong had to let their guard down, and Rita Ambrose was no exception. She found herself out in the wilderness. She didn't even care. She found a fallen log and sat down upon it, letting her troubled mind wander. How long had it been since she and her brother went to go live with their Aunt and Uncle? She closed her eyes briefly, calculating the exact time. Its been almost a year. Had time flown that fast already?

She opened her eyes, letting them gaze at the whiteness of the snow beneath her feet. She often tried not to think about the past, of when times were bitter, ugly and vile. Yet... Time and time again, those memories found their way in. And she often would hide herself away when these memories chose to come in. She wanted to forget these vile memories, pretend they never happened...

Yet...

She knew that could never happen. She had the physical, mental and although she never liked to admit it, emotional proof of the past. Instead she bottled these things up. What was the point of complaining? Other than letting others know and showing weakness. Ugh. She hated showing weakness. It always landed her in trouble. Her deepest fear... Being a victim. She had been one up until her parents were taken away. She decided she would never be a victim ever again. The feel of hopelessness, the pain, the suffering... All of it. She never wanted to feel those ever again. Nor did she want anyone else to endure what she did.

She heard a voice in her mind that made her blood boil. A voice she did not ever want to hear ever again. The voice of a person she knew she could never, ever forgive. This person was on the top of her hatred list. And she would stay there forever, nothing would change it.

"You and Rick were mistakes!"

Rita felt a stab of anger but also... hurt. Sure, she would often keep an appearance that she was unfazed by what happened, but... It hurt her more than she would dare let others know. Why should she let it be known how much it hurt? How much it tortured her? There was someone else out there who was suffering more. She found it pointless to complain, or share issues that couldn't be fixed. Why attempt to fix something that was so broken, beyond repair?

"Ungrateful whelp!"

Rita narrowed her eyes slightly. Ungrateful? Was that what her excuse of a mother called it whenever she tried to stand up to that vile woman? Perhaps at that point... Jessica was just beyond reason. She would always snap for little to no reason. Even when her kids were doing nothing bad. They could of been just sitting there, or even just breathe... And she'd snap. Rita never understood what provoked her mother's wrath, but avoiding it was almost always impossible.

"You or Rick shouldn't even exist!"

...Why did she even bother, then? If that witch didn't want to have kids... Why did she bother getting pregnant and eventually giving birth? Rita knew her mother wasn't always like that. There was a time when she used to be so sweet, so loving... Like a real mother. She used to shower them with love, affection and compassion. Those times... She wasn't supposed to be feared... Then it changed so suddenly. She went from being a mother to a monster. Rita always wanted to know why. But she never wanted to go near her mother ever again.

"I'd dispose of you if I could!"

That bit could of gone different ways. Jessica could of meant abandoning Rita and Rick, perhaps take them to an orphanage... Or kill them, then dispose of their bodies. Whatever it meant... Rita just knew she just was saying such things to hurt her and her brother. And she had been successful, especially to Rick. Her brother was so broken, so shattered... Some times it felt he was beyond help. He may never heal from what happened, and that could cause issues for him in the future... Rita could only hope time would help him heal. And perhaps, herself, too...

"You're nothing and you'll always be nothing!"

...Was that so? Look who was talking. Rita didn't even acknowledge the rain as it began to pour. She never minded the rain, so this was no different. She heard faint sounds of thunder but she didn't even react. A storm was nothing huge. Better than a snowstorm, in all honesty.

"No one would miss you if you vanished!"

...That one. Would that be true? Rita let her head rest on her hand as she let her memories and thoughts continue. Would she ever be the same? She doubted it. Seven years of abuse wouldn't go away any time soon. She did find some comfort in having some friends. Having her brother with her. And having parental figures in her Uncle and Aunt. But some times... It wasn't enough. She hated feeling like that. She had a lot more than most, yet... Was it just her bitter memories that made her feel as such?

Perhaps one day, it'll all become clear..."


Worked on this a while back when I was feeling a bit down. Listening to music with dark tones certainly did not help. First picture of 2016 too, what a way to start the year off. Ah well, better than nothing. Anyways, enjoy I suppose.


Rita, Rick (Mentioned), her mother (Mentioned) and story are mine~

South Park belongs to Matt Stone and Trey Parker